-It's burger season now. And you --
-It's always burger season. -It is.
No, but you -- [ Cheers and applause ]
-Isn't it? -I'm ready to put it
into full gear. You want me to taste --
a taste test of which burger, right, is that what's going on?
-Well, I have -- I'm always disappointed.
Sorry, guys and girls and ladies in the audience, right?
But I -- I'm always disappointed by the American burger
because you go in and there's no beets,
there's no caramelized onion, and there's no egg.
-What? -So, I have got
an Australian burger organized for you.
But I also have a vegetarian burger.
-Ooh, wow, wow, wow. [ Cheers ]
-Which, I swear to God, is the best god damn burger,
superiority burger, you will ever have in your life.
-All right. So how do you want to do this?
-Well, I want to blindfold you, for many reasons.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ] -This is gonna be fun!
-Okay. -Okay.
-All right, here we go. -That's not a blindfold.
That's something you get in first class
on American Airlines. [ Laughter ]
-I wouldn't know. I only fly coach.
[ Light laughter ]
Is that good? -That's -- I don't know.
-Does it look not good? -You feeling comfortable?
-Feels like 50 shades of -- -50 shades of burger.
-Yeah, burger. 50 shades of burger.
-Are you ready for your burger? Bring on the burgers, boys.
-All right, here there are. -Okay.
-All right.
-We're gonna go with the traditional first
because I know you're a traditional kind of guy.
-Why am I blindfolded? I know what a burger looks like.
[ Laughter ]
It's like -- so weird.
-'Cause it's sexy. -Yeah, okay. Thank you.
-So, this is the traditional Australian burger.
It's got egg. It's got caramelized onions.
It's got lettuce. I should work at McDonald's.
-All right. An Australian burger.
-It's only got one bun. -Okay.
Now what do I -- Now do I eat it?
-That gets the egg going. [ Audience groans ]
I know. -Wait, what are they making
these noises for?
[ Laughter ]
I don't know what is gonna go down, man.
I trust you. -Oh, my God, it is so big.
I just -- -Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh, my God, this is going to be so much fun, Jimmy.
I can't wait for you to eat it! -All right, here we go.
Right. [ Cheers ]
Now what do I do? -You open your mouth.
[ Laughter ]
Said the actress to the bishop.
-[ Laughs ] -Okay, okay, over here.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Do we have a napkin?
-That is fantastic.
That is not the vegetarian. -Nope.
-Okay. So what did you get?
Did you get the caramelized onions?
-There's a beet in there. It actually tasted real good.
-So, you forget beets in America, really important.
-I never had that. -What else did you get?
-I got egg in there. Caramelized onions, right?
-Did you get, you know, GM-beef or did you get -- oh, hang on.
-What does GM beef mean?
-Oh, [ bleep ] I'm sorry.
[ Laughter ]
-What is going on?
-You were going to go home to your wife and she is going say,
"What is that on your pants?"
[ Laughter ]
-That's happened before. -I am so sorry.
I am so sorry.
Okay, so -- -Did something just drip on me?
-You need to cleanse it with a beer.
-Okay. -Okay?
-Sure. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Right?
-You are the best guest ever, by the way.
[ Laughter ]
-Okay, here's a straw. Don't wanna ruin your lipstick.
[ Cheers ]
-Go a little egg. Okay, okay, now does this
cleanse your palette? -Yeah, that was great.
-Now, this... -That's delicious beer.
-...ladies and gentlemen, and members of the military,
this is the superiority burger.
-Okay. -Called the superiority burger
because it is superior.
Brooks Headley down in the lower East side.
-Okay. -This is a burger.
[ Cheers ]
-I know, confusing, huh?
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
That's fantastic.
-This is the thinking man's burger.
-Wait, does it have mustard on it, too?
-There's mustard. -Pickles?
-There's pickles. -That's fantastic.
I'm in. -And there is no meat
in this burger. -No meat in that one?
What did you do to me? -I know.
[ Laughter ]
This is messy. -They were both delicious.
I really like the superiority burger.
-This is no meat. Isn't that crazy?
-That's fantastic. -It's the best.
-Who out there would like to have a hamburger fed to them
by Academy Award-winning actress Cate Blanchett?
Let's break it up, please. They would love some, please.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I want the Navy. -All right, you want Navy.
[ Cheers and applause ]
You're doing it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Okay, do you want the meat or do you want the no-meat?
[ Audience shouting "Meat" ]
Is this what it's like to be on a boat as a woman?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hold that, guys. -All right, here we go.
-You can get your turn.
-But don't get it on the whites, here.
You got to be very -- -Oh, [ bleep ]
Oh, I'm so sorry. -I'll do this.
[ Laughter ]
Go for it. You wanna be blindfolded too?
-No, you want superiority. -Okay.
-Generally, as a woman, we have superiority.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Okay, go for it.
-Yes!
What did you think? That's fantastic right there.
And then, you want to try the other one?
-Oh, hang on. -Oh, yeah. Okay.
Okay, right -- -We're going to go --
This is the Aussie burger. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
This is the sloppy Joe.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-How was that? It's good, right?
-Pass it around. -Pass it around.
Fantastic, right? You're gonna wipe it on my suit.
Wiping it on my suit.
You are the best guest ever. You are the first person to ever
bring -- -No, my dad was in the Navy,
right? He was -- -Look at them!
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
You have a beer, too. -I know, I do have a beer.
Okay. -Wanna have a chugging contest?
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Audience chanting "Chug" ]
-Are you good?
[ Audience chanting "Chug" ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Audience booing ]
-You -- Oh, for God sake, shut-up.
[ Laughter ]
You are gonna chug like a woman.
[ Audience shouts ]
-What? -With a straw.
We wear lipstick. We're not gonna get it all over
the glass. Okay, hang on.
[ Audience shouting ]
-Don't yell. -Hang on, no, hang on.
No, you got more than me. Okay.
-1, 2, 3.
[ Drum roll ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
You are a legend. -Can I lie down?
-Let's talk about "Ocean's 8." It's you, it's this giant cast.
There's a heist. There's jewelry involved.
The met gala. -[ Acting drunk ] I don't
understand a word you're saying. -Well I --
[ Laughter ]
-There's jewelry and there's a movie,
and they steal stuff and it's really, I love you.
[ Laughter ]
[ Mock crying ]
-I'm having a moment right now! -I know!
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