- Welcome back to Five in a Row Reviews,
where I watch a movie five times in a row
and review it after each time.
I'm your host, Dashiell Driscoll.
Today I'll be watching Avengers 3, Infinity War Part 1,
five times in a row.
Full disclosure, I have not seen all the Marvel films,
because I am not a nerd.
I'm not that big of a nerd.
Did not see Doctor Strange, only saw Thor 3.
I will never see a movie starting Captain America.
And I remember around Avengers II, it felt like
I was taking a test I didn't study for
when I saw a Marvel movie.
Just got out of my first consecutive screening of Avengers.
Uh...
Little long.
I liked it, you know it was fun.
Lot going on.
For two and a half hours, just a ton of
I'm this super hero, nice to meet you, and I'm that one.
I guess buy the ticket, take the ride.
At what point is enough?
Like enough super hero movies, with all the lasers
and the fighting and all this shit.
Who cares.
Who really cares about any more lasers or any more punches.
There were a lot of people in that movie
that I have never seen before in my entire life.
And I don't just mean like in a super hero sense.
It was like, are you even a movie star?
Like did you just walk onto set and they,
they gave you a weapon and said just that way.
The Wakanda parts, fucking awesome.
Guardians parts, fucking awesome.
I tried to avoid all the spoilers,
and I read a lot about how sad it was.
It was a very sad Avengers.
You weren't kidding about the sadness.
There was one part where I was like,
oh well, surely that's the sad part.
And then another part happened and I was like
okay well now that, that's the sad part?
Boy oh boy, do you know when the sad part is.
Not super looking forward to experiencing that sad part
four more times.
I didn't eat breakfast, I was about to get a hot dog
before that movie,
but at the last second decided 8:45 a.m.,
just barely too early to eat a hot dog.
Just barely.
Just got out of my second consecutive screening of
Avengers: Infinity War.
They didn't make that movie any shorter
the second time around.
It was fun, I guess, yeah, it was a good time.
If you like this kind of stuff,
if you like super hero movies,
if you like Marvel movies,
you'll have fun.
I guess.
Is it fun?
Is it fun to see a bunch of super heroes
from various movies talking together
and throwing punches?
The answer, after two consecutive viewings,
is a resounding maybe.
Has anyone seen all the Marvel movies?
Does anyone care about all these people?
Every one on screen?
I think that's my problem.
There's so many heroes and plots
it's impossible to care about all of them.
There seven dudes in this movie named Chris.
Spider-Man did actually have a line
about not knowing people's names.
I liked that.
Found that to be very relatable.
I saw the second screening in 3D.
It was alright, the 3D was unnecessary
and a little distracting.
Which is super on-brand for the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
Also I ate a hot dog during the second screening.
The hot dog was pretty good.
I would say the hot dog, better than the movie for sure.
Loved the hot dog.
Got a little hot dog grease on my glasses,
that made it kinda hard to see.
But I fixed that during the bathroom break.
So up until now, no real spoilers.
There's gonna be a shit load of spoilers after this so,
if you don't want 'em, beat it.
I loved huge Peter Dinklage.
Seeing Peter Dinklage way, way larger than life,
very cool for me.
Was huge Peter Dinklage in another Marvel movie?
Maybe, I dunno.
We'll never know, I'll never know.
Of all the Infinity Stones,
I liked the Reality Stone the best.
Unlike the other Infinity Stones, Reality Stones are real.
I had a bag of organic Reality Stones
last time I was in Joshua Tree with a couple buds.
Great afternoon climbing rocks.
I also do not love how much they had Tony Stark
and Doctor Strange arguing.
It was fucking constant.
But the guys have the exact same facial hair,
they should be able to bond on that alone, very quickly.
I did get a little sleepy during this screening.
I started nodding off, like going all the way to sleep
around an hour in,
when they do that kind of like space holocaust thing.
What woke me up, Chris Pratt's character,
one of the many Chris's in this film,
makes a joke about Thanos's
chin looking like balls, like a ball sack.
It really does, and it got me wondering
as I was drifting off to sleep,
does Marvel have a whole team
studying like ball sack wrinkles?
Once I started envisioning that team,
must be like three dozen guys in New Zealand probably,
and that really got my brain going,
and I was able to stay back awake
for the remainder of the film.
As far as that sad shit at the end.
Still really sad.
And I think the one that got to me the most
is Groot saying goodbye to Rocket Raccoon.
I don't know, I don't know how a CGI
teenage tree talking to Bradley Cooper as a raccoon
was like the biggest emotional response
I had in the movie but,
go fucking figure.
Just got out of my third consecutive screening,
of Avengers: Infinity War.
It actually might have been the one I enjoyed the most
so far today.
Probably because of the crowd, a lot of energy.
A lot of whooping and clapping and all that fun shit.
But my favorite parts by far
were still the Wakanda parts and the Guardians parts.
And it kinda made me wonder.
Would I rather just be watching
a Guardians of the Galaxy movie
and or Black Panther.
And the answer's yeah, probably.
I'd probably just rather watch that shit.
They never really explain why the Hulk
never transforms into the Hulk.
He's the Hulk for like 30 seconds in the beginning,
and then never again.
The whole Hulk storyline feels like a very weird
erectile disfunction parable.
He just can't get it up when the pressure's on.
I think the real lesson with the Hulk is
Mark Ruffalo has a fucking phenomenal agent.
Nah, he's been green long enough,
he's just gonna be Mark this movie.
And all that shit at the end is still extremely sad.
It didn't get any less sad as they day goes on.
It just keeps getting sadder.
I literally keep leaving the movie very, very sad.
Over, and over, and over again.
And only two more times of being extraordinarily bummed out.
And is Thanos better than Hitler?
Is anyone asking that?
'Cause there are some real Hitler comparisons to be made,
between Thanos and Hitler.
Thanos doesn't really hate anyone.
He doesn't wanna kill six million of anyone.
He just wants to kill three billion of EVERYONE.
Something that happens when you watch a movie
five times in a row,
your brain stops working the way it should.
I wasn't able to really focus on a lot that movie.
All I could really think about
was Josh Brolin's chin.
Does Peter Jackson have anything to do
with the nutsack CGI?
Probably.
Peter Jackson probably has his hands in that nutsack CGI.
I took three bathroom breaks in screening three.
It's really hard to sit down for that long.
It's like you're on a international flight
that goes fucking nowhere.
The whole third act is contingent on you
caring that Vision,
who's a dude I didn't even fucking know existed,
even though I saw the second Avengers movie.
They expect you to care that Vision is like alive and well.
Guy's a robot.
Just 'cause some chick is banging a robot,
doesn't mean I care if he's all good.
I mean this is the fate of the universe.
Just kill Vision, like minute one, there's no more movie.
If I had to pick my least favorite hero in that movie,
it's fucking nark Captain America.
Dude's name is Steve.
I just don't trust it.
Don't trust the guy named Steve.
Not even for a second.
Hi, I'm Steve.
No, no, no, get the fuck outta here, buddy.
Probably the biggest super power any of these guys have
is their haircuts.
These guys have incredible haircuts.
The whole time, like no matter what happens,
their shit stays so clean.
It's not only confusing, it's kind of inspiring.
Just got out of my fourth consecutive screening
of Avengers: Infinity War.
I had three thoughts on my mind the entire time.
Wouldn't this series be just as funny
if I called it Four in a Row Reviews?
Probably.
As soon as this movie ends,
it begins again.
And I am in an infinity war of my own design.
Thanos's nutsack chin.
It must have been several dozen people
in New Zealand under the supervision of Peter Jackson.
I mean the nutsack wrinkles are so clearly defined.
I spent most of my fourth screening
thinking about Thanos's nutsack wrinkle chin.
Also as soon as I sat down, I fell asleep
for like 45 minutes.
It felt like my brain was a friend,
when I had to move a couch,
and my friend just showed up when I had to move this couch.
Even though I never told my brain
I had to move this couch.
And for the first 45 minutes of the film,
my brain was moving that couch
the fuck away from the movie theater.
My brain is dog shit after five consecutive screenings
of Avengers: Infinity War.
It feels like it's been stomped on by...
all of the Avengers.
What's Black Widow's power, really?
Does anyone know?
Shout out to Mark Ruffalo's agent
for making sure he stayed fully Mark Ruffalo
for like the entire film.
Minus three minutes.
If I had to rank today's screenings
from most enjoyed to least enjoyed,
it would be three, two, one, five, four.
See you next time at the movies.
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