Heather: In this video, we're going to teach you how to recognize emotional baggage in
your relationship.
Stay to the end for a secret weapon.
David: To help you release that relationship baggage.
Heather: Yes.
Subscribe to our channel.
David: And click the bell to turn notifications on.
Heather: So you're the first to know.
David: When we drop a video.
Heather: Or go live.
I'm Heather.
David: And I'm David.
Heather: From Zenrosegarden.
David: Dot com.
Heather: Yes.
David: Helping people create.
Heather: Bad ass lives.
David: Let's get started.
Heather: We're going to give you three tips.
David: Bam.
On letting go of emotional baggage.
Heather: Let it go.
David: Tip number one.
Heather: Discover your survival identity.
Before you can figure out how to stop bringing baggage in to a new relationship-
David: You've got to figure out where it came from.
Heather: We create our relationship patterns based on the relationships that we saw other
people having, growing up.
David: We create our survival identity based on the role that we played in childhood.
Heather: If we had a dysfunctional family relationship somewhere in our family dynamic.
We created a survival identity; a role that we could play within that family that kept
us safe.
Chances are, you took that identity with you into your relationship.
Were you the one that always tried to make peace between two parents that were always
fighting?
David: Were you the kind of a person that sought attention by being the bad kid?
Heather: Did you try to be really, really obedient so you wouldn't make waves.
Tip number two.
David: Discover your fear triggers.
Heather: Signs of emotional baggage come up when we get triggered.
David: Something pushes your buttons, that's a very good indicator that you might have
some emotional baggage.
Heather: What emotions are coming up for you?
Chances are it's one of three.
David: We call this, the triad of fear.
Heather: The triad of fear.
David: Rejection.
Heather: Abandonment.
David: Or judgment.
Heather: Caring what other people think of you.
David: Whenever you have your buttons pushed or whenever you get triggered, that's a great
time for you to start working on unpacking that baggage.
Heather: Tip number three.
David: Unpack your bags together.
Heather: Together.
The most perfect relationship is not one where you come into the relationship with absolutely
no emotional baggage.
David: The perfect relationship is when you have a partner with whom you can unpack your
bags together.
It's not what kind of baggage you bring, it whether or not you have somebody who can help
you unpack.
Heather: Yes.
So if you want to stop carrying emotional baggage from one relationship to another,
how do you start to unpack together?
David: Safe, open and honest communication with your partner.
If you don't feel safe enough, you're not going to open up with your partner to the
point where you can share and build that foundation of trust.
Heather: Foundation of trust.
David: Truth bomb that.
Heather: That sounds like a secret- David: Underground lair.
Heather: Spy society or something.
Ask your partner to help you understand why you're feeling this way, why you're feeling
vulnerable.
Why you're suddenly feeling freaked out.
It might not even have to do with your partner, it probably has to do with some deeper trigger
within you.
David: It has to do with your old baggage.
By helping your partner unpack their baggage and asking your partner for help when it's
time to unpack your baggage, takes away the attack and defense mode, and puts you in to
the mode of helping and being helped.
Heather: You want to get out of fight or flight when you're having a situation with your partner
and your emotional relationship baggage is like, you're throwing suitcases at each other.
Decide what you guys want your behaviors to be with each other, when emotions get triggered
and stuff gets hot and heavy.
David: Hot and heavy.
Heather: Hot and heavy.
And make some decisions together.
David: When things come up, how do you want to show up to that conversation?
Heather: So when you're deciding what your ideal behaviors are together when you have
a conflict, it shouldn't be one person dictating how the other person should act.
David: Right.
Heather: It's okay if you ask your partner, I would feel really safe if you acted this
way towards me.
It's okay to do that but when you start dictating how your partner is supposed to act and what
you expect, then it becomes a little unbalanced.
It should be both of you together deciding what you want as a couple.
How you want to behave.
How you want to react and how you want to work through your problems.
The best relationships are ones where we help each other heal.
David: By allowing yourself the freedom to be vulnerable, strengthens the bond between
two people.
Heather: Let vulnerability be the glue that bonds you together.
David: Stronger than Crazy Glue.
Heather: It is.
David: Crazy is not a good foundation for a relationship.
Heather: Now it's time- David: For the bonus tip.
Heather: The bonus tip.
David: Be the unicorn.
Heather: Be the unicorn.
David: Be the unicorn.
Be the unicorn...
Heather: Wanting to avoid the emotional pain- David: Of dating someone with emotional baggage-
Heather: So badly, people will seek the unicorn relationship.
Without becoming the unicorn themselves.
David: Finding this perfect person, this unicorn, will somehow miraculously wipe our emotional
baggage slate clean.
Heather: To attract that unicorn, you've got to cultivate the characteristics of the specific
unicorn that you want.
You can't get a unicorn if you aren't a unicorn.
Stop trying to seek the unicorn if your unicorneess is not unicorney enough.
To attract the one that you want, you've got to become the one that you want.
You can't attract a unicorn if you're showing up like this.
You're going to scare your unicorn away.
Or you're going to eat your unicorn accidentally for lunch.
David: Don't be the T-Rex.
Heather: Be the unicorn.
David: You just learned how to release baggage from past relationships.
Heather: You wanted to know about dealing with emotional baggage.
David: And we showed you that healing emotional pain is much easier when you show up with
authenticity and allow your partner to support you in unpacking your baggage.
Heather: Yes.
Now it's time for that secret weapon.
David: We created a special bonus meditation to help you unpack your relationship baggage.
Heather: Click the link in the description to get it.
David: Get it.
Heather: It's truth bomb time.
David: If you're ready to start unpacking that emotional baggage, hit that like button.
Heather: And drop a truth bomb in the comments.
If you liked this video, hit the like button.
David: Leave your truth bomb moments and any questions you have in the comments below.
Heather: Now think of at least two people who need this information.
David: And share it with anyone that comes to mind.
Heather: Be sure to subscribe.
David: And click that bell to turn notifications on.
Heather: Thanks for watching.
David: And we'll see you in the next video.
Heather: We'll see you in the next video.
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